Pastor's blog, Priorities, Relationships

 

Admin, A faithful friend means a mutual friendship. How modern is this mindset? What attracts one person to another. The Russian explanatory dictionary defines the word based on the relationship between intimacy, attachment, soulful proximity, and similar interests. In the Greek language the word friend ("phileo") means "joy from close proximity and soft sympathy with someone else."

"While we still love and serve others, a person cannot be worthless if he has a friend." (Robert Luis Stevenson).

Why can't a person be happy and full of joy if he is alone? We find the answer in the Bible: "... it is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18). This is the is the deep desire and demand that is placed into a person by the Creator. This is why even the newborn child looks for communication as well as the mother's milk. Long before the child speaks he desires closeness, and so he studies the world around him and reacts to those that surround him by smiling back as an answer. The other thing the child needs to learn to do is love the world around him; as an answer to parental love he is filled with joy and can then give sympathy to those around. In this article, we will not be discussing friendship and relationship in the parental home, even though it is an important and filling topic, but we will be talking about selfless friendship of people, not in a relative relationship. But the principle of infancy is necessary to be carried out throughout all your life: a friendship begins with a smile. How does one acquire friends? "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24).

• Friendship is founded on sympathy and begins with a smile. Someone may say: "But I don't feel like smiling." But your smile is your clothing - so dress beautifully if you want people to love you and be your friend.

He who smiles makes others happy; and from good news people feel better. If you want those that are close to you to be happy, stop drenching yourself and others in negative news. Who wants to hear about a stranger's problems? Many people do not desire to communicate with those people that talks about other peoples problems for three days straight, causing the listener to have a ruined mood. We have to divide our joys and sorrows with each other instead of overloading other people with your negativity. Friendship is understanding and supporting each other because people are counting on their friend at all times. However much depends on us. Like the Georgian poet, Shota Rustaveli, said: "He who does not look for friends is his own enemy."

• Pure motives.

Unlike superficial acquaintances, friendship is a deep and intimate relationship, that implies not only the loyalty and mutual support, but the inner closeness, honesty, trust, and love. "He who loves purity of heart and has grace on his lips, the king will be his friend." (Proverbs 22:11). If we start a friendship with someone for unselfish reasons and with a desire for intimacy only then we are on the right path. Unlike modern business relationships, where one person uses the other as a source for their own goal and benefit, friendship is self-worth, in itself it is good. Friends help one another selflessly and unconditionally: "not for selfish duty, but for selfless frienship."

• Friendship requires time.

Friendship needs to be built for years so that in the needed moment the faithful and loyal people will be close. Time is required to get to know something or someone. We are living in a time of high technology and we have gotten used to buying ready things from the store. But there are no stores that will sell friends and so many people do not have the ability to have real friends. We all want to come back home or to a circle of friends after a successful day and say: "Rejoice with me." Even after a day of failure we tell our close friends: "This is my sorrow, be with me and encourage me." We never want to do something like that with our co-workers. "The pleasure of fellowship is the first sign of friendship," said Aristotle. The person we spend time with becomes our friend. This means that his interests become our interest and vice-versa. Have you ever thought about who you spend time with? We can have temporary friends (or acquaintances) with who we have common interests, things to do, and problems but they are not the ones we are accountable to. But we may have those who we are closer to: we are constantly spending time with them, encouraging, and calming each other down but we still are limited in accountability. So let me ask you a question: "Do you have a friend that you are always with who is genuinely faithful to you?"

• We value that what we put our time into.

Sometimes we categorize our friends: co-worker friends, friends, the ones I have dinner with, the ones I take vacation with, etc. We need to accept that the person who we spend time with is the person who reflects our values. "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are," says the people's wisdom. "A wise friend will never abandon their friend no matter what the hardships are," said the Georgian poet of the 12th century, Shota Rustaveli. The Biblical hero, Abraham, is an example and confirmation of this saying. He had three friends: Aner, Eshkol, and Mamre. There was probably more than just one lamb that was sacrificed for the sake of Abraham, they probably ate a lot of honey together too. Abraham could also depend on them in a hard moment. So when the four Mesopotamian kings raided the five cites and captured Lot (Abraham's nephew) and his family, who lived in the town full of degradation and iniquity, known as Sodom, Abraham did not need to look around for help on the side. He went to those who he was friends with for many years; he turned to his allies. They armed their people, united, together reached their enemy, and they won a great victory.

• "A friend loves at all times and like a brother will come at the time of misery."

The Bible gives a few useful examples that confirm the above. "Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own life. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, even his sword, his bow, and his girdle." (1Samuel 18:3-4). In those times, the people who one is close to in spirit, would give each other a covenant of faithfulness, loyalty, and friendship.The friendship of Jonathan and David was the embodiment of a mutual male love and intimacy based on shared experiences, deadly circumstances, a mutual understanding, and commitment to each other. It was a reckless confidence in each other devoid of shadiness, ordinary vanity, envy, or jealousy. In Israel, the people who would make the faithful covenant of love would exchange clothing and weapons, which would symbolize a high quality friendship. This is how Jonathan and David made a covenant. Their covenant had an unshakable commitment which excluded any hint of self-interest. "And Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, Let not the king sin against his servant David, for he has not sinned against you, and his deeds have been of good service to you. For he took his life in his hands and slew the Philistine, and the Lord wrought a great deliverance for all Israel; you saw it and rejoiced. Why then will you sin against innocent blood and kill David without a cause? Saul heeded Jonathan and swore, As the Lord lives, David shall not be slain." (1 Samuel 19:4-6). Jonathan did not accept any slanders against his friend, but rather he stood up for him like a mountain without looking at the wrath of his father. By chasing away all thoughts of doubt and slander of our friends we save our friendship. Later on David had another faithful friend, Hushai Anthocyanin, who did not fill any important position in David's kingdom. He was simply David's friend. And those of you who have read their story then you know that, in the necessary moment, Hushai saved David's life. During the rise/rebellion of Absalom (the son of the king), by the desire and request of David, he joined the side of the disturber so that he can counter the advice of Ahithophel (the disturber and previous adviser of David). Then Hushai advised Absalom to grow in strength before he pursues and advances against his father. All the while, Hushai found the opportunity to warn David and give him time to prepare and gain strength as well. This is how he destroyed Absalom's intentions and showed his faithfulness to David, his friend and king. Mutual sacrifice strengthens friendship. There can never be a friendship between people if one of them is sacrificing for the sake of the relationship but the other one is just taking advantage of that and using that person. This is parasitism. A friendship cannot be built with these kind of people. No matter how much you "feed" them, they will keep eating and eating. Hiram, the Turkish king, was one of David's best friends. The bible gives us an image of their friendship: "King Hiram of Tyre had always been a loyal friend of David." He may not have been a Jew but for the sake of his friendship with David, he put in a lot of resources and labors to build up the Temple of God, which Solomon was rebuilding. (1 Kings 5:1).

• The desire of your friend's success is bigger than for yourself. Желание успеха своему другу больше, чем себе.

"Then Jonathan, Saul’s son, arose and went to David in the woods and strengthened his hand in God. And he said to him, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Even my father Saul knows that." (1Samuel 23:16-17). Friends will never desire to be above and reign over their comrades. They are ready to sacrifice their success for the goodness of their friend. David had a thankful heart. So for the sake of Jonathan, David always desired to honor and respect for those who were part of the king's house. Even though he was the hated and pursued by Saul. We can see in the Bible of his attitude towards the death of his "enemies", "Therefore David took hold of his own clothes and tore them, and so did all the men who were with him. And they mourned and wept and fasted until evening for Saul and for Jonathan his son, for the people of the Lord and for the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword." (2 Samuel 1:11-12). Later on, when David became the king, he decided to have mercy to all the decendents of Saul but Mephibosheth was the only one alive. He returned all the fields of Saul to David and said: "... you will always eat bread at my table." A mature and well-developed friendship includes the "agape" type of love. In the Greek language the word "agape" means "the readiness to look for the highest good for someone else," even if it is something that we do not like.

• Value people more than your beliefs.

What people want the most in life is to be heard and listened to, respected, and understood. Jesus understood the value of friendship and He always gave people time for fellowship. The tax collectors, prostitutes, and outcasts that had a short encounter with Him were so impressed that it not only affected them, but it expanded beyond them as well. Outcasts valued those moments of company and fellowship because it filled the emptiness and void they had within. Only the Pharisees and Scribes, most likely out of jealousy and envy of his friendships, did not understand His values and lifestyle. But Jesus did not pay any attention to them; He valued people more than His beliefs. Sometimes by trying to prove something to each other, we "chop off each others ears." Do we always think about the feelings of others? Or are we convinced that what we believe is it? The biggest blessings that come into our life come through friendship. No one ever takes the journey of life alone. To reach our destination we depend on each other materialistically and soulfully. We cannot succeed without the help of others. This is why if the Mighty One wants to bless us, He sends us friends. I do not believe that successful people are happy. Maybe it can be stated that he is successful, has a position of fame, but is that prolonged happiness? I am convinced those people are trying to fill their soul with something else but deep within their soul they acknowledge that this is not what the soul is searching for. Every person is in need of a pure friendship. And what is interesting is that the older a person gets the more he is in need of friends. Not long ago a survey was conducted on people 65 years and older and the majority of them said they try to spend time with their friends on a daily basis. So they came to the conclusion that a person who has no friends becomes impossible to be around. George Washington said: "True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity, before it is entitled to the appellation." The same thing can be said about blessings and values. Good luck to you all in your search for true friends and may you gain many true ones. Pastor Victor Muzichuk